Love

Lately, I’ve struggled with this question:

How does “only love dispels hate” work in the face of mortal danger?

This question has become like a mantra to me. It occupies much of my waking moments, and several of my conversations. It haunts me.

What prompted my consternation is the recent spate of violence in the Middle East and the death of the U.S. ambassador to Libya. How would “only love dispels hate” have prevented that tragedy, and stemmed the wave of terrorism?

This has weighed on me heavily.

Knowing my spiritual and emotional turmoil, a wise friend sent me this cartoon:

I like that. And it immediately helped soothe my troubled thoughts.

But it did not totally answer my question because I know:

1. Gandhi and many of his followers lost their lives standing for non-violence, promoting love as an alternative to injustice.

2. MLK and many of his followers lost their lives standing for non-violence, promoting love as an alternative to injustice.

3. Jesus and many of his followers lost their lives standing for non-violence, promoting love as an alternative to injustice.

4. Mother Teresa metaphorically lost her life when she devoted it to helping the poor, needy, and diseased in India.

Whenever “only love” has been tried as an alternative to hate, violence, and death, it has rarely worked immediately. And, truth be told, it is often scoffed at as a “weak” or “ineffective” response to imminent danger or seemingly overwhelming odds.

Indeed, I’ve had debates with friends who tell me, without question, that “only love” would not work against radicals and terrorists.

“So, what you’re saying is that Gandhi was wrong, the Buddha was wrong, Jesus was wrong, MLK was wrong, and Mother Teresa was wrong?” I asked in reply.

“Yes,” was their answer.

I refuse to believe that. If that is so, then what is the alternative? For example, how much opposing force must be expended to stop radicals? Some isn’t enough. Would more do the trick? Would it take the ultimate use of force – an atomic bomb?

“I don’t think ‘only love’ has been tried,” I countered. “Until it is tried, it cannot be dismissed as something that wouldn’t work.”

My friends went away, possibly no longer friends.

And so my (mostly unspoken) questions continued…

…Out for a bike ride with my wife.

…In the car on a Sunday afternoon drive.

…In an early-morning chat with a friend and fellow Only Love Project member.

How does only love dispels hate stop the violence in the Middle East?

This afternoon, while chatting with my wife, about an unrelated subject, the answer came to me in a flash:

It doesn’t.

I can’t stop anything going on in the Middle East.

Or in another state in the U.S.

Or even in another city in my own state.

The Only Love Project has nothing directly to do with stopping anything anywhere. It has to do with keeping my only-love mind right here, right now.

The Only Love Project exists because I wanted to do something in my life, in my community. It was my answer to the overwhelming, unrelenting news that permeates our lives. Instead of feeling powerless, helpless, and hopeless, I created The Only Love Project to focus my attention to what I can do something about: my life, my actions, my thoughts, my words, my deeds…in my community.

The impetus for The Only Love Project was what I saw happening on Facebook, in coffeehouse conversations, on the radio, in blogs, in newspapers and magazines, and on TV: division. Insurmountable division. Between political ideologies, between genders, between religions, between those of various economic status, between those of different nationalities.

Constant fighting, disagreeing, clinging to pet causes, political parties, candidates, even dogmas between those of what ought to have been similar belief systems.

In short, walls.

Walls of the mind that were the result of self-centered clinging to one’s own beliefs.

When I remembered what caused me to start The Only Love Project, I realize that my initial question was incorrect. It was not skillful to ask, “How does ‘only love’ work in the face of mortal danger?” A more skillful question would have been, “I conducting myself in person and online to promote love, acceptance, and mutual understanding?”

Given that question, the answer to my initial question can be found in the first chapter of the Dhammapada:

We are what we think
All that we are arises with out thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
Speak or act with an impure mind
And trouble will follow you
As the wheel follows the ox that draws the cart.

We are what we think
All that we are arises with out thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
Speak or act with a pure mind
And happiness will follow you
As your shadow, unshakable.

“Look how he abused me and beat me,
How he threw me down and robbed me.”
Live with such thoughts and you live in hate.

“Look how he abused me and beat me,
How he threw me down and robbed me.”
Abandon such thoughts, and live in love.

In this world
Hate never yet dispelled hate.
Only love dispels hate.
This is the law,
Ancient and inexhaustible.

You too shall pass away.
Knowing this, how can you quarrel?

There it is.

Staring me in the face, and always has been.

There’s the wisdom: forget about wrongs done. Don’t hold onto them. Don’t allow them to fester, to become bitterness inside, to be the impetus for what we say or do.

Don’t quarrel.

We’re all in the same boat; we’re mortal. We will pass away. And all of the petty issues – and even the huge issues that vex humanity – will cease to exist.

Only-love mind, from my vantage point in Western Michigan, can’t help what’s going on in other parts of the world. But it doesn’t have to. If I exemplify love in my life, it will radiate outward, touching others, who will touch others, who will touch others…

In that way, a kind post on Facebook here may become that which cools the flames elsewhere.

Only love dispels hate.

This is the law.

It will work every time.

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