“Do You Love Me?”

JesusJohn 21:15-17, is one of the most intriguing passages in the Bible – partly because for a few thousand years people have debated what it means.

The verses showcase a conversation that takes place between Jesus and Peter as they stand on the shore by the Sea of Tiberias.

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. (John 21:15-17 ESV)

That’s interesting enough at face value. But when you open the hood and look at the original Greek, you discover something else is going on.

Screen Shot 2014-05-14 at 7.23.58 AMThe word “love” used by Jesus is different from the word “love” used by Peter.

The Greek word Jesus uses is agapao (ah-gah-PAH-o). The word Peter uses is the Greek word phileo (phil-EH-o).

This is how the passage looks using the actual words from the original Greek:

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love (agapao) me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love (phileo) you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love (agapao) me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love (phileo) you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love (phileo) me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love (phileo) you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. (John 21:15-17 ESV)

These two words (agapao vs. phileo) are usually said to be vastly different, with agapao/agape defined as God’s unconditional love…and phileo defined more as a brotherly love, a strong affection or passion for someone.

In other words…

Agapao is “higher.

Phileo is “lower.”

Which means that Jesus starts by asking Peter if he loves him with God’s higher love (agapao). Peter, knowing he does not (or, perhaps, can not), responds using the “lesser” word for love, phileo. The third time Jesus asks, he uses the word phileo, which Peter then matches with phileo.

What does this mean?

There’s another aspect to this passage that often leads to debate.

LampAndSheepWhat Jesus asks Peter to do for the sheep changes each time.

Jesus first asks Peter to “Feed my lambs.”

Then, he asks Peter to “Tend my sheep.”

Then, he asks Peter to “Feed my sheep.”

There seems to be a progression from “lambs” to “sheep,” with feeding mentioned in the first and third questions, and “tending” in the middle.

What does this mean?

Finally, there is this:

Jesus told Peter that he would deny him three times, and then – after his resurrection – Jesus asks Peter three times if he loves him.

Jesus said to him, “Truly, I tell you, this very night, before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.” (Matthew 26:34 ESV)

Three denials and three questions about love, creating what appears to be divine balance, the latter canceling out the former…and allowing Peter to save face after failing so miserably.

Some even suggest that the number three, itself, is important.

What does this mean? 

The Zen tradition addresses that question beautifully – with a profound shrug of its shoulders.

Zen teaches that none of us will ever know what – if anything – these things mean. How could we possibly know some two millennia after the events occurred?

If this were a Zen koan, it might look something like this:

“Jesus asks Peter if he loves him with God’s unconditional love. Peter replies that he loves Jesus with a brotherly affection. What does this mean?”

Or,

“Jesus asks Peter to feed his lambs, tend his sheep, and feed his sheep. What does this mean?”

A Zen practitioner wouldn’t fall into the “What does this mean?” trap. He or she would ignore the opposites, the seeming contradictions between the two kinds of love, as well as the seeming differences in what Jesus wanted Peter to do for his sheep…and even if the number three has numerological significance.

In the Zen tradition, none of that matters. We are to feed the sheep. Period.

Same goes for love.

Love isn’t about debating anything, or holding strong opinions.

Love is about doing what each moment asks of us.

If we allow ourselves to make opposites, to take a stand (thereby creating its opposite – those on the other side who believe differently), to engage in debates over ideologies or theologies, then we will be unable to see what the moment holds. We’ll be too busy arguing what loves means to actually do it.

In the end, does it really matter what Greek words were used to document that conversation…or if Jesus wanted Peter to feed lambs or sheep…or if there’s a divine symmetry to the number three?

Love doesn’t dwell on unanswerables, the maybes or what-ifs.

Love feeds whatever is before it that needs to be fed.

Love clothes whatever is before it that needs to be clothed.

Love embraces whatever is before it that needs to be embraced.

When we love like that, no words are necessary – in any language.

3 thoughts on ““Do You Love Me?”

  1. “Love is about doing what each moment asks of us”

    Is Jesus giving a lesson on being compassionate in each moment? Is he asking the great question “is faith more important than what is happening right in front of us at this very moment”. “Feed my sheep” feed your compassion, your God’s gift of life.
    Thank you for such a wonderful and thought provoking lesson.

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